6/28/2006
My fear of mustard and pickles is ruining my life
It rarely gets funnier than this.
If I were high, unemployed and home watching this stuff on my couch, I would never want to do anything else. Regardless of your stance on politics or religion; we must all agree that we are a seriously fucked up place when you have the luxury of being terrified of balloons, mustard and pickles.
6/27/2006
ATTENTION CHILDREN: Skin monster to come for you whilst you sleep
During a press conference in Monterrey, Mexico on June 26, 2006, local urban legend, 'The Skin Monster' tells children and medium sized animals that "I will be coming for you whilst you lie sleeping. GWAAAAAAARRRRRR!"
The Skin Monster weighed 1,235 pounds when he was last in captivity back in January 2003. Most people had wondered how it was possible for him to be so adjile, able to eat hundreds of pounds of flesh each night, with so much girth. Those questions were answered when the investigating doctors found a network of 10,000 legs under his cloth-like external liver that looks like a surrong.
When originally captured, the Skin Monster had this to say, "People think that I can eat a whole cow but, in actually, I could eat an entire field of naughty cows if they didn't listen to their parents." (AP Photo/Juan Manuel Villasenor)
King Awesome makes surprise visit from Shit Mountain
Prominent King Awesome offers up his best 'Fonz' impersonation in support of his Awesome Endowment for the Awesomeless, at a press conference at the foot of Shit Montain, Iraq Tuesday, June 27, 2006. (AP Photo/Khalid Mohammed)
6/21/2006
6/20/2006
6/19/2006
6/16/2006
6/05/2006
Hasslehoff's Blow Out Boxart Extravaganza!
I currently work in the internet department for a video retailer. Part of my job is to make sure that we are using the proper boxart for titles within our stores. We had one rabbid 'Hasslehoff-movie-renting-customer' complaining that we were using the wrong boxart for his stellar action movie 'Bail Out.' When I investigated the matter, there seemed to be endless varieties of boxart imagery for this title.
I have collected many of my findings here. Enjoy!
This cover makes it look like David Hasselhoff was caught in the act of something dirty; like trying to impersonate Richard Gere in the 1983 remake of Breathless. The blue tone of this cover makes me think this is a movie about hospital orderlies who use the term ‘Bail Out’ as a cooler way of saying ‘changing bed pans.’
I think my wife had the same look Linda Blair has on her face when I brought this DVD home over the weekend
“Come experience the wonder and amazement of the Oregon Coast with this educational DVD with commentary from 75% of David Hasslehoff’s face.” Seriously, there are 8 bajillion images of David floating around the internet. I think they could have got a complete headshot from somewhere
This one has a more-coarse Jim Morrison ‘I’m totally arty’ look. Unfortunately, the overwhelmingly poor choice of font face and ‘Ol’ Cap’n McDealie’s Golden Treasure Box o' Savings’ banner demolishes any degree of creativity to whatever lay underneath.
This is more like it; explosions, cross-hairsm bullet-laden text and blurry red cars! I now fully know what to expect when I rent this! My Saturday night will be ALL-RIGHT!
To Live and Die in LA meets The Best Little Whore House In Texas with a dash of Smokey and the Bandit! This picture shows that this DVD is still in its shrink wrap where it ultimately will continue to remain when the archeologists discover this item buried with the rest of our civilization in 1,000,000 years.
What in the world? Where did that tiny cop come from and why does he insist on shooting and showin’ his badge at the same time. Adding to the confusion' Linda Blair now looks 20 years older, 60 pounds heavier and a lot more like Delta Burke than she does in the second DVD cover. Having no idea what this movie is about, I would think I was watching a Baywatch, Designing Women, In the Heat of the Night television crossover.
This cover makes it look like David Hasselhoff was caught in the act of something dirty; like trying to impersonate Richard Gere in the 1983 remake of Breathless. The blue tone of this cover makes me think this is a movie about hospital orderlies who use the term ‘Bail Out’ as a cooler way of saying ‘changing bed pans.’
I think my wife had the same look Linda Blair has on her face when I brought this DVD home over the weekend
“Come experience the wonder and amazement of the Oregon Coast with this educational DVD with commentary from 75% of David Hasslehoff’s face.” Seriously, there are 8 bajillion images of David floating around the internet. I think they could have got a complete headshot from somewhere
This one has a more-coarse Jim Morrison ‘I’m totally arty’ look. Unfortunately, the overwhelmingly poor choice of font face and ‘Ol’ Cap’n McDealie’s Golden Treasure Box o' Savings’ banner demolishes any degree of creativity to whatever lay underneath.
This is more like it; explosions, cross-hairsm bullet-laden text and blurry red cars! I now fully know what to expect when I rent this! My Saturday night will be ALL-RIGHT!
To Live and Die in LA meets The Best Little Whore House In Texas with a dash of Smokey and the Bandit! This picture shows that this DVD is still in its shrink wrap where it ultimately will continue to remain when the archeologists discover this item buried with the rest of our civilization in 1,000,000 years.
What in the world? Where did that tiny cop come from and why does he insist on shooting and showin’ his badge at the same time. Adding to the confusion' Linda Blair now looks 20 years older, 60 pounds heavier and a lot more like Delta Burke than she does in the second DVD cover. Having no idea what this movie is about, I would think I was watching a Baywatch, Designing Women, In the Heat of the Night television crossover.
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