Noah's Ark Discovered in Iran: The debate
by: Ima Luzincred
for National Geographic News
July 4, 2006
High in the mountains of northwestern Iran, a Christian archaeology expedition has discovered a rock formation that its members say resembles the fabled Noah's ark.
"It looks uncannily like wood," said Robert Cornuke, president of the Bible Archaeology Search and Exploration Institute (BASE), "We can claim to have conclusively found the ark, as it does look like the object that the ancients talked about," Cornuke said. When we asked about further proof, Cornuke stated that they had also found 2,107,349 skulls; two for each spceies and one for Noah," before running off with his 14 year old girlfriend.
This discovery has spawned fierce religous debates from renouned institutions such as Robert Morris University to the little known southern baptist Churches of Littletown Nutbaggery. Many have questioned the 40 cubit quarters of the ship could not house that many animals. Religous expert, and fundementalist Christian, Cray Zecook, promptly pointed out, "due to cubit inflation, that unit must have measured much longer back in those days." He went on to say, "40 cubits could hold a whole lot more animals back then. Also, Noah shrunk the animals with a shrink-ray."
When questioned further, Cray became sweaty and defensive, "Silly you say? A SHRINK-RAY? Yes, Noah just loaded all the animals in the world into a boat with no SHRINK-RAY." We continued to press Cray for information as he made his way towards his 1990 Chevrolet Caprice. Somehow frustrated, Cray concluded his conversation by saying, "Ok, ok...so let's suppose there was no shrink-ray back then. Hypothetically, if there were no shrink-rays, how you suppose Noah shrank all of those animals? EXACTLY! God would HAVE HAD to provide SHRINK-RAYS! END OF STORY!"
Meanwhile, ancient timber specialist Archibald Bridge, of England's Oxford Dendrochronology Laboratory, is doubtful that a wooden structure would have lasted long enough to petrify under ordinary conditions.
"Bible scholars think that Noah built his ark somewhere between 6,000 and 10,000 years ago, making preservation highly unlikely except in extreme environmental conditions," said Bridge. When we suggested Cray's theorem that Noah could have used some type of shrink ray to put all of the animals on a 40 cubit ship, the professor balked and "LOL"-ed. "But if that WERE true, ladies and gentlemen, why is there no mention of SHRINK-RAYS in the Bible?"
The professor then lit up a rather curvy pipe, looked at us knowingly and stated, "But there is an interesting matrix of Hebrew characters...that when you take every 518th letter, it spells out 'SPACE SHUTTLE EXPLOSION.'" Tapping his newly lit pipe out on his desk, he recanted, "well actually it spells 'SPC SHTL XPLSN' but you get the picture.
Editor's Note: Shortly after this article was printed, National Geographic went back to putting representations Sea Monsters in the oceans of all of their maps and a dotted line to represent the end of the earth.
A new billboard advert for Sony's white PSP has caused consternation across the US videogaming community. Long ago, Sony used to make really amazingly cool ads instead of simply kicking up controversy.
"Disruption is the art of asking better questions, challenging conventional wisdom and overturning assumptions and prejudices that get in the way of imagining new possibilities and visionary ideas.
Sony plans on launching their teaser ad campaign this September educating consumers on the connectiviy between the PSP and PlayStation 3. This series of ads involve a group of middle aged men stalking 13 year olds in the world of Online Everquest
Sony of Cambodia's (SOC) President, Yietink Yung Boiserhot, stands behind the company's dicey new ad campains stating "The PS3 will be using our proprietary new 'ITouchUWhereUP' technology, which we hope will connect hard core middle aged gamers to a younger group of casual handheld users." He continued, "we will make tremendous strides when we upgrade the PSP firmware to connect to the PS3 cell processor using our patented Motion Link Echo Sensing Transcievers (MoLESTr) technology."
Anyone else smelling another Enron?
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