GOD: I'm going to need to talk to him for a minute. Could you put him on?
Robertson: Oh crap! Tell him I'm not here.
GOD: Hey Pat, remember that whole omniscient thing that I've got going? Yeah, I know you're there.
Robertson: God! Hey! What's up! I was just getting ready to go talk about your supreme awesomeness and...
GOD: Dummy up, Foo' and prick up your ears! My son Jesus did not instruct his followers to kill others. If I recall, he said something about loving even your enemies and to do good to those persecuting you. You've got some s'plainin to do.
Robertson: Yeah, but that sounds kinda gay and you hate them fags as much as I do, right?
GOD: What in the name of ding-dong? Have you gone completely coo-coo-bananas? Proof of my ultimate patience and forgiveness is that I don't evaporate you into nothingness right now.
Roberson: That sounds like the Jew in you tryin' to escape so that you can spread your Commie germs all over the righteous and pure.
GOD: What the? Sweet son of mine, you ARE crazy.
Robertson: If loving you and Jesus so much till I can't understand what the principles you were founded on in the first place makes me crazy...
GOD: Well here's what you can do for me. You got a pen and paper? Good, here's what I want you to do: Keep calling for blood in the name of Christ. By all means, keep demanding Creationism in our classrooms. Make sure you insist on the death of Roe v Wade. You might also want to keep viciously assaulting the characters of bereft mothers, the families of 9/11 victims, and patriotic civil-servants. Also you might want to keep pouring 200 years of goodwill down the drain by pumping fanatical propaganda to the weak of the flock. Just keep all of that up and people will start loving you for it any day now.
1 comment:
Very nice. I actually had a laugh out loud moment.
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