Gots ta make this fast, man!

"I'm in the back of this crappy-ass Nissan Sentra on the way to some bullshit press conference for some asshole no one gives a fuck about. What up witchu? Yeah? Well it's the same old same with me. So well, shit man, you gotta promise nots to tell no one about this, ok? But, dude, there is some whack shit goin' on at the White House. Seriously, dude. Well, for starters, the President brought a orphen kid back with him during his last trip to Mexico. Snuck that bitch right on Air Force One with him in the glove box or some shit. He's got's the fucker cleanin' up and emptying the trash at the White House now. I ain't shittin' you negative, this is Rove talkin', baby. Now you gots to promise to keep your freak on when you hear THIS shit. You ready? Fuckin' President, I swear to God on this yo, the President of the U-S-izzle-A is just a god dammed Go-Bot Metal Man manufactured by the Chinese. No lie! Saw has back open up during them debates and a bunch a sparks and wires be like flyin' outta his crack n'shit. Seriously, dawg! Thas some fucked up shit right there. Listen, gotta go. Tell everyone I'll be down to split a spliff later. Speakin' a spliff, man, do I have some dope to lay on you later about the CIA! When you hears it you gonna be like, 'Naw, man!' and I'll be like, 'Fuck yeah, man.' Seriously, the shit I'm gonna tell ya gonna knock ya ass on its ass. Late" >click< five minutes later "Hello, and who is this young Republican? Well, you stay in school now and stay off of drugs and we'll be seeing you in the White House. Tell them, 'Karl Rove sent you.'"