The Flaming Red Soft Drink of the Old West

The year was 1881; President Garfield assassinated, Billy the Kid was about to be killed by 'Shootin' Sheriff Garrett and Firewater sets saloons ablaze from the shores of Missoura to plains of Missour-i-a. Firewater rocketed to fame at the end of Reconstruction shortly after Rutherford B. Hayes made his famous "By God, or by Firewater, we must end federal efforts to protect the civil rights of African-Americans" speech. Saloons were knee deep in the deep red liquor and nearly took Sas’parilla off the map. Unfortunately, the original Firewater was made of Cinamon extract, Gasoline and the blood of Native Americans (once lovingly refered to as 'Injuns') which wound up blinding and fatally poisoning many of its users. Flash forward to 1960; Firewater is now renamed Cherikee Red and given a less toxic set of ingredients. Made entirely of water, red food coloring, and sugar, this new 'Firewater' was a smash hit with children and bees. With Television sponsors like 'Howdy Doodat' (a very unsuccessful ripoff of 'Howdee Doodman' (which was a blatant ripoff of 'Howdy Doody')) and Cherikee Force Go-Go Cats, this drink saw a resurgance in suburban America. It would have been able to get a much stronger foothold if hospitals weren't flooded with thousands of cases of anaphylactic shock brought on by the innumerable bee stings that seemed to plague the drinkers of this sugary potent. The Cherikee Red phase brought about America's love affair with Killer Bee's in the 1970's. The last stop on Firewater's crimson journey came in 1983 when the rights to the beverage were sold to Lucky Lukes Records and Soda Drink Distribution Co., Inc. Lucky Luke was a bit of a gambling man and he chose to replace the red food coloring with a cheaper red dye extract from Bocas Del Toro Province to bring some of the 'Fire' back into the syrup-sweet beverage. The gamble failed to pay off for L.L. as the dye, that was purchased through enormous cost savings of $.01 a gallon, was actually the extract from ground up Red Poison Dart frogs. Anyone unfortunate enough to drink this concoction would be treated to a comical blood-red staining of the lips, mouth and esophagus. The enjoyment of the stain was short lived as the liquid wouldn't even reach the stomach before it began burning its way through your organs trying to obtain additional oxygen so it could continue to spread like a brush fire. Because the burning was a slow and intense process, the victim's death was quite agonizing and quickly became #3 on the 'worst way to die' list (pub. 1984) The first shipment of Cherikee Red was responsible for killing 11,000 in the summer of 1983. The drink took one more life that fall when Lucky Luke shotgunned an entire six pack to escape the anguish of 11,000 voices screaming in his brain and any of lawsuits that would have invariably followed. So there you have it; the rich and colorful history of a beverage that eased the tension of a race hating birth of a nation and caused countless deaths in people just wanting to quench their thirst during the fateful summer of 1983. >> END COMMUNICATION <<