The Ring Two

Sucked...Plain and simple, sucked. We were given vouchers at our fledgling company today to see a movie of our choice at a local theater. After looking over the blight on the marquis that is now passing for motion picture entertainment these days, our group settled on The Ring Two. Sweet Christ was that a bad idea! The movie fails to scare, frighten, or move anywhere in over two hours. The parts that are intended to shock and boo-you-from-your-seat just fall abysmally flat. At the end, even though I hadn't paid anything to get in, I asked for my money back. With movies like this, the bar is being set despairingly low for this type of consumer grade chum masked in the guise of entertainment. Upon driving back to work, I parked my car in the handicapped spot in front of our office as I had a legitimate argument that I had a mental defect that prevented me from leaving the movie earlier. My first inclination that something was terribly wrong with this movie was the coupon on the reverse side of the ticket which read: $25 off all helmets and bus pass fasteners at Joe's Retard Emporium. The entire duration of this movie, I had to keep checking in the lower right hand corner of the screen to prove to myself that I wasn't watching Lifetime or the Oxygen network. The dialogue was forced and contrived to the point of insult and I half expected a commercial break for tampons or some menopause pill. With all of the news over Michael Jackson and Terri Schiavo, I can't understand why the media and the conservatives aren't upset about this two hour abortion being shown at theaters across this great nation. The more I think about this movie, the more abominable it becomes to me. Scene after scene of nonsensical, elusory clap-trap that are bound together with piano wire and paraffin wax culminating in a blindingly unrealistic corpse of a movie. Seriously, I've seen 16th century brain surgeries that have yielded better results than this piece of shit fuck stain. All in all, I would give this movie two thumbs up. That would be: two thumbs up the rectum on a course through my colon, intestine, stomach, diaphragm, lungs, and throat, plunging into the brain and finally exiting through my eyes so that I will never have to see a movie, or the light of day, ever again. Treat your women right, PEACE!