The problem with medical marijuana is...

"Gary Farnsworth lights up his marijuana pipe at his medical cannabis cooperative in San Francisco." That statement, and above picture, are exactly why medical marijuana will remain illegal and misrepresented till the end of my time on earth. First off; a guy named Gary? Could we get a less soft-named, light-loafered and meek representative to speak on behalf of this cause? Well, apparently no, because we found this balding peacenik in San Francisco, home of the gay and free-thinking hippie-dips who have stunted this movement from the get go. If it wasn't blatant enough that this guy is Truckin' the mellow vibe of a moon shadow, the article points out that he is part of a 'cannabis cooperative' which just reaks of Pitulli and lentil soup. Also, from the image you just know that place has got to have a loom in there somewhere. For crissakes, look at that tapestry in the background; is it time for the Homecoming dance already? Secondly, look at that blown glass pipe he's smokin' his pain medicine through. To those who don't know the counter culture of bongs and pipes, this smoking device really does look mysterious and otherworldly. Seriously, it looks like he's toking reefer through the veiny umbilical cord of an aborted fetus (which is undoubtably where all the money for stem cell research is going, by the way). What a terrible oversight on Gary's part to use the pipe he purchased from the Chihuly museum, instead of the smarter, 1950's, father knows best pipe. The shot is also backlit so it looks like he's guilty of something, or at the very least, has something to hide. Gary probably supports terrorists and communism too. That's just like a sad, fopish doper to hate America. BAD! BAD! BAD! Don't get me wrong; just because I don't smoke the pot, dope, mary jane, California Red, purple koosh, Alaskan Thunderfuck, schwag or the Chronic from my 6' skull bong (anymore), doesn't mean I can't see that marijuana truly is a viable treatment for the pain and discomfort associated with chemotherapy and other debilitating, agonistic, unrepairable medical conditions I currently don't have. My main issue is that anyone in unbearable, blinding pain on a daily basis, shouldn't be worried about what the Supreme Court, federal agents, or Ol' Gary is saying. They should be working on either creating a horticulture speakeasy of their own or start talking to herbal scientists about creating a plant that has the properties of marijuana, that can regrow hair, cure impotency, cost nothing to grow and give the US government's 100% control and jurisdiction over it. Shit, if someone could do that, that plant would be one of the four food groups in like six seconds. The forseeable downside is that we would be reqired, by law, to smoke, eat, inject, pop, shoot, snort or I.V. this new Vitamin U.S.A. with every meal. GOOD! GOOD! GOOD! If this new drug would get me to appreciate music and art again, it might be worth trying.