Three reasons for why the video game industry is doomed to fail

Voodoo Vince was a good game, so you can assume it sold something like 6 copies nationwide. Video games could have been something truly great; an industry to be proud of. They could have been a vehicle for artistic expression and a new medium to explore man's want to play. Instead the video game companies are still fighting the same Mortal Kombat battle from 1992 and in three weeks we'll get the newest $50 update to Madden 2001. I blame everyone. Politicians Ostensively, politicians care as much for video games as they do for spent ejaculate into a paper towel. Seriously, do you think that anyone in Washington actually plays games? Playing games is really hard to do when your head is firmly lodged up another persons ass while your left hand holds a fan of $1000 dollar bills and your right holds the torch that is setting them ablaze. "We must prevent the sales of Grand Tapped Anus III: Some Cunnilingus." To Politicians, video games are a platform and a vehicle on which to attach their name and their vocal buntings. It has little to do with morality and 'the future of our children,' as if it did, cable TV, NC-17, and all public access television would be deemed immoral. Seriously, how is a hand job being shown on the syndicated show 'Friends' any more, or less, offensive than a naked person riding a bike in a video game. As much as I disliked Senator Joe Lieberman's campaign in the 90's, the results begat the ESRB ratings and his preliminary presidential candidicy. It's all over for Atari right here. E.T. was just icing on the cake. Games Industry Atari was instrumental in making this business an abysmal, Mad Maxx wasteland back in the early 80's. In their hubris, Atari thought they could spray paint shit and sell it as high class jewelery. The death of Atari (and games, at the time) came from the release of Pac-Man on the Atari 2600. With such a large profile game, the home console market should have exploded. Unfortunately, Atari only paid $20,000 for the development of the game which turned out to be one of the worst arcade-to-home translations in console history. Gamers tuned out, turned off, and began watching MTV and ordering from Columbia House. So what have we learned in 20 years? We've learned that when Acclaim was having trouble they released a nude version of BMX XXX and wait for the 'Controversy PR Engine (C-PRE)' to kick in. We've also understood that when Electronic Arts' Madden series is being out-performed by a low cost competitor (2K Games), EA will spend money to obtain the license for the sport rather than work to improve their game. The most painful lesson comes from companies like Sega, SNK, and Majesco who actually provide innovation but can't seem to distribute a corporate memo, much less, an effective marketing campaign. "I'm the number one super best at playing football game. Yaaaaaay!" The games industry has not learned anything in 20 years and, in fact, managed to unlearn the stuff they already knew! Listen up, industry fucko's; you've placed a blight on this industry through repitition, limited innovation, and using sex to replace gameplay. When this industry crashes in 2008, let's hope classic games like checkers and chess will need guns and boobs, a roster, and sell for $50 or you'll all be out of a job. Cover me with that sweet smell of new releases. Mmmmm Revenge of the Sith, I love it! Gamers: You are the most shameful of the lot. Innovative games like Ico, Eternal Darkness, and Panzer Dragoon sit will sit on store shelves collect dust while the next $50 piece-of-shit-Star-Wars-clap-trap flies off the shelf as if it had a coupon for a free blow job inside. You had to be told by 800 web sources that Katamari Damacy was worth playing before you asked to borrow your friend's disc so you could make a copy of it. It is disgraceful that a game like Resident Evil 4 has only sold 500,000 copies in the US while GTA 4: Bonerville-Shooty-Cop-McSextown will sell double that in the first day of pre-orders alone. It is a wonder the US games market gets any attention from Japanese game developers as game buyers have shown they don't deserve anything in terms of quality or value. G4 TV; don't even get me started on that abortion of a network. Hard core gamers should always be smarter than conversations over 'bits' and 'megs.' The best game critics at your disposal are your own eyes and hands. When you see that your team of football players looks more like a hydrocephalus batallion than than your beloved franchise, take the game back. When you play through GTA San Andreas, knowing that it is a half-assed-rehash of the last two versions, but tell everyone how bad ass it was, you're not cool, your retarded. Gamers who Mod their Xbox (and others' Xboxes) to dump 120 games to their hard drive that they'll never actually play are nothing but theives and should be kicked squarely in the nuts. We gonna be outta here in a minute. You politicians betta be comin' wit' us. If the US Government outlaws GTA San Andreas, that could be the best freaking thing to happen to games since Atari bit it back in 1983. That act could just be the 'Video Game Vietnam' we need to thin out the ranks of these casual, retarded, biased, community college dorm living, fanboy gamers.