What Jerks!

So, a friend of mine (britintheus.blogspot.com) posted and sold a paper representation of my dignity today on eBay. If that wasn't bad enough, it was purchased by my parents! Bastards! I have had it! Now, since I don't have my dignity anymore, and my parents are responsible for anything that reflects badly on my dignity, why not start up a blog and post the worst conceiveable crap imagineable? That said, here is my rebuttal to my dignity being sold: Dear Jerks, I don't know who to direct my hostility towards more: the fish 'n chips fop who posted or the Pennsylvania deserters that now are in the possession of my old dignity. My dignity and I have had a rough go of it over the past three decades. We won T-ball championships together, dated a girl nearly twice our height, and were found naked, half dead in a Tibetan opium den by a renegade troupe of homosexual gypsies. But in all of our time together, THIS outrage is the greatest travesty to both my and the tattered remains of my beloved dignity. Shameful. Before payment is made, and my dignity is transferred, we will have one last hurrah together. Just you wait. For now, I will call upon my friend, Wit, and my metaphorical uncle, Spite, to deal a pox and a curse upon the scroll that contains my dignity. If you choose to hang my dignity in your bathroom, then may your toilet become a rancorous, malodorous, stink hole fit only for feces and bodily excrement. What? That's what a toilet is? Oh, well damn it, I'll think of something...just you wait… See you tomorrow!