Fanaticism 101: Starting your own Tirade

Introduction This class will be dealing with excessive enthusiasm and intense uncritical devotion to a cause without the clumsiness and endless fact checking that usually accompanies intelligence. Welcome to Fanaticism 101. What is Fanaticism? When we think of fanaticism, our natural instincts are not to think at all. This is good as thought only interferes with the process of being a true and divine fanatic. When the general public is questioned about the subject, they usually classify fanaticism into two groups: religious fanatics and sports fanatics. Some of you may ask, "What about political, ideological and object driven fanaticism?" My response generally is, "Shut up, shut up, and shut up! There is two AND ONLY TWO!" For those who pass this course, you will be rewarded with the 700 level course: "The Grass Pentagrams of Enlightenment and Truth: An Introduction to Sports Fanaticism." However, for this semester, we will be focusing our 'crazy' on the Fanaticism of Religion. Do you have to believe in God to be a fanatic?" Oh, my heavens, no! Religious fanaticism doesn't come from faith, but from a lack of it. The religious fanatic is someone who is convinced that just believing in God is simply not enough. Because devotion is not demanded, a fanatic has to retroactively justify his stalwart, unyielding beliefs somehow. This always leads to the hilarious, inevitable corruption of the original underlying religious system which leads to making stuff up that wasn't part of the religion in the first place. Seriously, if you want to have total and complete creative freedom as a fanatic, with Religion, the sky's the limit. Dealing with Science and Facts Uh oh! Looks like someone has a picture that refutes one of your core beliefs, what do you do? Well, there is always strength in numbers, which is why Religious fanaticism thrives in the south. If you are a northern fanatic, look to technologies like the internet to expand your closed minded, 2% vision of God's world. There are virtually tens of sites that cover passages from the Bible all the way up through recently discovered shame scrolls. These unquestioned documents will provide you your ballast and insight on how to battle all the tangible evidence the universe of man and animal can provide. Also, remember that you have a wealth of crazy on your side that the scientists don't. While the 'logicians' consistently deliver facts, just pepper your conversation with your point but be sure to load it down with misunderstood gibberish. For example, a retort to the above image could go something like this; "So you have pictures of walking apes? They also have pictures of Big Foot and the Loch Ness Monster, does that mean we came from Big Foots who had sex with the Loch Ness Monster? I think it is YOU who are the one who is crazy-coo-coo-bananas!" Do you see how that works? Idol threats shame all fanatics Wrong, wrong, wrong! As a professor of Fanaticism, I can't tell you how many times that students turn in shoddy work such as the one shown above. If you want to fanatically oppose the Roman domination of Palestine and the Department of Transportation, Zealotry 101 is down the hall, thank you. How much crazy is too crazy? Recently a man jumped into a lion’s den at the Taipei Zoo and shouted "Jesus will save you." This is what the Italians call ‘conclusione dei giorni,’ or an ‘end of day’s’ maneuver where the fanatic has so fervently assured himself that the world is done for and his only salvation is death by some brutal means. I suggest you use this only after you have expelled all other options and have previously ostracized yourself from your fellow man for a period of at least five years. Make sure you are willing to die 110% for your beliefs. Also make absolutely sure that the Virgin Mary that appeared in the underpass that was telling you to ‘throw yourself to the lions’ was not just a police officer saying ‘you’re blocking the bike lane.’ Homework Using the following format, let your local congressman, senator, bus driver, pedestrian and passerby know a little bit more about you. Fill in your fanatical belief in the blanks provided and photocopy as many as you can before next Monday’s class. “The vast majority of _____________ are normal, humble, caring, giving people. But some ____________ are mean-spirited and hateful. Some ______________ are criminals. Others are just arrogant pricks. So it's totally cool to characterize all ____________ as ____________. See, we can even create disparaging names like _____________ or ______________ to describe them. This makes them seems less human to us. And, it makes us feel better for being such complete bigots with our heads up our asses.” (special thanks to FARK Teaching Assistant 'TrueAustinite' for this week's homework form)