Ye Olde Resume of Cap'n e'Bay McFaggotron III

COVER LETTER: Avast and Yo-Ho prospective employers! Me eBay business at sea rests in Davey Jones' locker and now I'ze lookin' for honest land lubber work t' quell t' hunger pains in me belly. Arrrr, I ain't ate nothin' but barnicles for weeks and with me bein' all barnicle intollerant, me crew be about t' keel haul me t' me own yard arm! Sincerely, Cap'n eBay McFaggotron III RESUME: Objective: As t' old pirate motto goes, "No prey, no pay!" In other words, by outsourcin' me marketin' arm, I wish t' be ensurin' that all marketin' expenses be clearly connected t' profits. Oh, and a little rape and pillage action wouldn't hurt, ya-harr. Experience: Software Pirate The Pirates Cove, San Mateo, CA Responsibilities: - Rape, plunder and steal software - Brag about me booty over a mug o' ale on t' chatboards o' World o' Warcraft - Transport code t' BitTorrent Island! Reason for leaving: A pirate be never in one harbor for long. Also, I was caught chokin' t' bilge rat too many times in t' Pirate washroom. Yar. ----- Pirate of the Carribean #257 (scene deleted) Disney Studios, Hollywood, CA Responsibilities: - Wear Pirate clothin' while millin' about sayin' 'Arrrr' - Stay away from Mr. Johnny Depp while he takes his 'crazy sleep' - Brag about bein' Mr. Johnny Depp's 'cabin lad' on t' chatboards o' Everquest Reason for leaving: T' siren's call from t' briney deep, I could resist no more. Constantly tryin' t' sneak into bed with Mr. Johnny Depp while he took his 'crazy sleep.' ----- Pirates "CannonBall" Waterslide Experience - Ticket Collector (summer 2001) Land of Make Believe off of Route 31, Great Meadows, NJ Responsibilities: - Brag about someday bein' a 'real pirate' on t' chatboards o' Ultima Online - Take tickets for six PounderBall slide - Doubled productivity by becomin' a part-time breast inspector and cockswain Reason for leaving: T' waterslide experience be a cruel mistress, plus I was caught propositionin' a 13 year old lass. In me defense, a thirteen year old lass with wet hair looks strikin'ly like an 8 year old lad. It's a mistake anyone could make. Education T' Davy's Grip o' t' Deep Blue herself Community College of Allegheny County References Powder Monkey Picaroon pmp@gmail.com Jack Tar Freebooter jtfreeboot@hotmail.com Holystone 'Hempen Halter' Salmagundi blowmedown@gaypirateforhire.net