Bush Unveils Energy Vision

Wednesday, April 27, 2005 Posted: 5:43 PM EDT By JOSEF ARSON, Associated Press Writer UPDATED 3 HOURS - 5 MINUTES AGO WASHINGTON - President Bush, facing economic and political damage from soaring gas prices, unveiled to the world his destructive energy vision at a press conference this afternoon. Members of the press burst into flaming bags of plasma as the President continued to speak about his proposals to speed construction of nuclear power plants and oil refineries and boost sales of energy-efficient vehicles. Oblivious to his wake of pyrotechnic destruction, Bush lamented that he was powerless to cut gas prices. "I wish I could," he said. "If I could, I would." Moments later, the President fixed his gaze on the television cameras which abruptly ended the transmission of his speech. The world is left to ponder exactly what took place and how the leader of the free world came to inherit such devastatingly powerful abilities. "This problem did not develop overnight and it's not going to be fixed overnight. But it's now time to fix it," said Chief White House spokesperson, Jessie ‘Blast’ DeAngelo. “When [President] Bush gets worked up like this, he has the ability to melt lead and carve through solid objects like butter.” This outburst begins to piece together a plague of arsons and spontaneous human combustion police reports that have surrounded the President. During the 2004 presidential race, Bush's campaign headquarters was engulfed in flames after religious groups questioned the claims that Bush was actually talking to God. “It took two days just to get the blaze under control,” said Fire Chief Angie DeJessalo. “We haven’t seen fires like this since the 9/11.”