DVD Details: Star Wars Trilogy

Recently, I sold a brand new copy of the Star Wars Trilogy on eBay. Here was my description: History and Synopsis Not much is known about Star Wars as it faded into obscurity in the early 1980's. What we have deduced is that shortly after the last movie in the three part series, 'Star Wars: Jawaland Adventures' was released, Lucas printed 25 Betamax copies of the Trilogy as Christmas presents for his friends and family. Little did Lucas know that one of these copies would be duplicated and distributed using America's leading underground piracy channel known as the Public Library System. Episode IV, "A New Hope" centers around Luke Skywalker, a young insulant farmboy who has set a course for adventure, his mind on a new romance. All things change when he goes shopping with his Uncle and find a very odd group of 'alternate lifestyle' robots. One of the droids' has a 16mm projector in it's robot belly and shows Luke 'the girl with the cinnamon swirly hair.' Yowza! Things get fuzzy here as I think Luke mistakenly kills his Aunt and Uncle by leaving a candle burning in the family's yirt. Regardless, Luke becomes a orphen for the second time and is forced to go with Uncle Obi (later, we find out Uncle Obi is none other than Obi-Wan Kenobi, who has lived for years in seclusion on the desert planet, Tattobot 2000.) Obi-Wan begins Luke’s Jedi training by taking him to a bar where he totally get's Luke in without an ID and passes the two robot passengers off as giant chug-a-lug beer stiens. Awesome! Luke then watches Indiana Jones tell some bounty hunter name Jub-Jub to take a long walk off a short pier right before he blasts him under the table with a laser whip of some sort. The movie ends when Luke proves that the Force is with him by destroying the Empire’s dreaded Death Star. Booya! Episode V, "The Empire Strikes Back" takes place three years later and the Imperial forces will still not get off Luke's back. Apparently, blowing up the multi-trillion dollar Death Star project was enough to get a price on your head. A lot of steam is let off early in the movie as the Rebels have a HUGE snowball fight on Hoth. After the fight, Luke warms up with a cup of hot cocoa, a good book, and the intestinal tract of his Tonton. Darth Vader goes ballistic and takes his helmet off and only to have a clean one lowered onto his veiny dome. Luke journeys to the planet Dagobah to train with Jedi Muppet Yoda, who has lived in hiding since being horribly disfigured in a fall from an ugly tree in which he hit every branch on the way down. Fast forward to Darth Vader's attempt to convert Luke to the dark side in the Cloud City of Bespin. Luke exclaims, 'No way, dude.' to which Darth Vader says, 'Don't you mean, No way...Dad?' In the midst of a fierce lightsaber duel Luke misplaces his hand. Only after kissing his sister does Luke regrow his cybornetic-power hand which he will use later to win several bar fights with the Mugatu. Episode VI, "Return of the Jedi": is the epic conclusion of the saga, where the Empire prepares to crush the Rebellion with a more powerful Death Star. Yawn. I mean, it only took one guy and a small band of rebels to take down the Death Star in the first place, I can't believe they okayed a second project Death Star. Seriously, where I work, if I use too much paper I get repremanded and put on probation. Darth Vader and company are lighting cigars with million dollar bills and no one bats and eye? What jerks! Luke Skywalker, with his new cyborg hand, confronts his father Daddy-V in a final climactic duel before the evil Emperor . Darth Vader, knowing he's no match for Luke's Super Dragon Punch turns tail and bumps into the Emperor's Ming vase. As it shatters into pieces the Evil Emperor breaks down into tears. The Emperor starts smoking and screams 'I'm melting, oh what a world' and in a poof of smoke he, and his minions of flying monkeys, are gone. The Empire is finally defeated, the Sith are destroyed, and Anakin Skywalker is thus redeemed. At long last, freedom is restored to the galaxy. Luke then sneaks up on Lord Vader, sucker punches him into unconsciousness and burns him alive screaming, 'IN YOUR FACE V-DAWG.' Editors note: I have only seen Star Wars once when I was seven years old.