CORONERS REPORT:

CORONERS REPORT: IN THE CORONER'S COURT: No D0197/2005 Inquest into the death of Neil Jacob McBromovich (a.k.a. Kid Neo) [2005] NTMC 094 In the matter of an Inquest into the death of: Neil “Kid Neo” McBromovich on 07 April 2005 on Interstate 5 at the Lake Oswego exchange in the state of Oregon The nature and scope: (1) Neil Jacob McBromovich ("the deceased") was found under a pile of flaming wreckage on the Interstate 5 stretch of highway during the early evening commute on April 7th, 2005. The deceased was not driving, nor was he one of the passengers of any of the vehicles involved in the accident; however his body had somehow sustained the most injury. Formal findings The mandatory findings pursuant to s34 (1) of the Act are as follow: (1) The identity of the deceased was Neil Jacob McBromovich (aka Kid Neo). (2) The death occurred at or about 5.30 pm on 07 April 2005 on Interstate 5 at the Lake Oswego exchange in the state of Oregon (3) The cause of death was the result of being driven over, an estimated 22, times by 16 vehicles. Relevant circumstances concerning the death (1) We still can’t figure out what happened to his legs. Seriously, it looks as if someone stuffed salami with baking powder. We have posted the pictures on Rotten.com for further study. (2) What we had once thought was a large, expansive tumor growing from the deceased was, in fact, a half cooked roast that had been attached via twine to the head of the deceased. Witnesses state that the roast was attached at the time of the accident. (3) We recovered a box that contained trace remnants of Smarties candies mixed with an assortment of Good n’ Plenty’s and Sweet Tarts. (4) A notebook found on the scene has a series of pictures of a man in a trench coat riding unicorns with the phrase ‘Kid Neo + Matrix = TLA’ peppered throughout. (5) A toxicology report shows no drugs in the deceased’s blood stream or urine samples extracted from his clothing. Recommendations (1) This body should be cremated immediately. It’s gross to think about things like this, but seeing someone in this condition…totally fucking gross. (2) Due to the nature of this death, we recommend the parents of the deceased be administered an experimental mourning drug, ‘Happicin,’ that was fast tracked through the FDA. We have attached samples of the drug to this report for immediate dosage. Dated this 8th day of April 2005 Mya Handinyoo City of Portland Coroner